FWG: The Birth Control Drive-Thru (Hilarity Ensues)

While I’m sure my girlfriend will probably kill me for posting this, last night was just too fun (read: incredibly awkward) not to post. We’ve already discussed the whole “flipping the Jeep Cherokee on the highway” thing, since that little event left my girlfriend without her car and instead driving her old man’s “dumpster-pick-up truck” (a.k.a. what he uses to take the trash to the dump). Well, after rolling the car twice I have been a little “gun shy” about driving my Jeep Wrangler. Aside from the fact that my Wrangler is incredibly fun to drive, it looks like a strong sneeze could blow it over. So in this winter weather I have been trying not to drive it. Which has left me with said dumpster-pick-up.

I got out of my training session and got a text from the girlfriend telling me she needed me to grab her and her friend Jenn from class. That’s fine, after all I am driving “her car” and I was literally 100 yards away from the School of Business.

So I swing by, she and Jenn get in the truck and I assume that I am dropping Jenn off at her place then taking the girlfriend back to mine. Wrong. They ask me if I could go to CVS so they can pick up their medication. I should have realized that medication is girl code for “the pill.” But the abundance of sniffles and coughs in the car I assumed it was antibiotic or cold medicine or maybe some combination of the two.

Now we get to CVS and they ask me to go to the drive-through. I ring the buzzer, and a pharmacist appears. She goes through the usual formalities. “Name, address, telephone.” I give her the required response, automatically reciting my girlfriend’s information. And she comes back about 4 minutes later, incredibly confused. I’m sorry Alex (girlfriend has a gender neutral name-how convenient). Your…(hesitates) birth control prescription was never called in. Instant laughter from the backseat.

This hit me wrong for two reasons.
1. I didn’t know I was getting birth control.
2. Why wasn’t my girlfriend’s BC there? I didn’t want her “pulling the goalie” without talking to the coach (me) first.

So now I am having a conversation with the pharmacist being fed information about “my” birth control from the backseat. Birth control wasn’t there, her doctor had screwed up. Great, no nookie for the FWG tonight (did I really just say nookie?) The pharmacist was finding no humor in this situation, and tried to say goodbye, next customer please. Only we had to repeat the process with her friend, Jenn.

I would compare this to any late night trip to the McDonalds Drive through, with your drunk buddies in the back seat. Frustrated McDonalds employee is trying to discern the information you are relaying over an inaudible, at best, intercom. That’s right, CVS has now opened, “the birth control drive through”….hold the fries.

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