Went back to my old high school while I’m back in New York. I know it sounds cliche to say this but, they must have improved everything about that school the minute I left. Our football field? Gone, replaced with field turf, new stadium, and separate track facility. I’m not saying I enjoyed getting tackled onto rocks, or tripping over exposed irrigation systems, I’m not even saying that made a tougher better player. No, I’m just insinuating that. Excuse me for taking the stance of the high school wash up (visiting my old school pretty much solidified that) but, these kids are soft. Not soft in a cute way either. But I will give the little bastards this much, they have great taste in what they read on the Internet.
That’s right, Thoughts From a Fat White Guy is a high school sensation. Coincidentally its also pretty big with the AARP set, as evidenced by my grandfather’s numerous friends at Dunkin’ Donuts telling me how much they enjoyed it. Yes, he hangs out at D&D and now I feel like I should probably take down those girls in bikini’s for lead-ins. Maybe replace them with a Model T or something. Or Justin Beiber, you know…for the kids.
So rest easy, America. Not only am I influencing our next generation with this witty (not to be confused with shitty) blog, but I’m also easing seniors into grave with clever puns and liberal use of parenthesis.
Have a good day.
Final Thoughts:
There is definitely a ratio of how far away my dog is to me, divided by how large her poop is which determines whether or not I pick it up. Yeah that’s me justifying the dump she took on my neighbors lawn this morning.
I’ll be on Martha’s Vineyard all summer. Two words, one terrifying battle with the animal kingdom: SHARK WEEK.
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