J-Bob Stops By With His Take On The Blackhawks Stanley Cup Win

J-Bob here, reporting live to you from Stan Mikita’s Donuts on the day after the day after the Chicago Blackhawk’s thrilling overtime win to secure their 4^th Franchise Stanley Cup Championship.  The last time the Hawks hoisted the Cup was 1961 (That’s a 49 year drought for the math-challenged among us.  You know who are.) making this an extra special one for Hawks Fans.  As the Victory Parade winds down in Chicago, here are the Top 5 Things Blackhawks Fans will remember from this particularly hard fought Stanley Cup Championship:

5. Dustin Byfuglien vs. Chris Pronger – At 6’4″ 260 vs. 6’6″ 220 this match-up was more Godzilla vs. Mothra than David vs. Goliath, but the older and more experienced Pronger, with his repertoire of elbows and crosschecks, is a much feared and respected blue-line stalwart and generally thought of as the superior player in this pairing.  For the first four games he was, all but shutting “Big Buff” down, but in game 5 Byfuglien stepped up, scoring 2 goals and 2 assists, and delivering the hit heard ’round the world, which didn’t just take the collective wind out of a resurgent Philadelphia’s sails but also farted it back into their faces.  The next day the Chicago Times took an extra shot at Pronger with it’s now infamous “Chrissy Pronger.  Looks like Tarzan, skates like Jane” commemorative poster.

*(on a side note, Angela Ruggerio needs to shut her pie-hole.  It was a reference to figure skating NOT Women’s Hockey and since you’re not allowed to check, no one gives a shit about your sport anyway.  In the immortal words of Donald Trump from Celebrity Apprentice; “You’re fired.”)

4. Duncan Keith’s Teeth or lack-there-of – We’ve all said it.  “I’d give my (BLANK) for a (BLANK)”, although it’s usually more along the lines of “I’d give my left nut for a glazed donut, some Advil, and a Miller High Life” than “I’d give 7 teeth for a Stanley Cup Championship“.  During game 4 of the Hawks series vs. the San Jose Sharks, Keith took a puck to the mouth resulting in the loss of 7 teeth.  He was quoted as saying, “It’s not as bad as you think.”  Um… yeah Duncan, it is.  But even if he’s making the Shane McGowan look like Joe Biden, who cares?  His name is about to be engraved on the Stanley Cup while yours is written in permanent marker on the wall of bathroom stall at your local truck stop.

3. The “Curse of Marian Hossa”– If he were throwing dice in a Bronx Basement, Chazz Palminteri would have stuffed him in the bathroom by now.  The regular “Eddie Mush” of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Hossa played for the Penguins in 2007-08 when, after he missed a last second scoring chance, they lost to the Red Wings in the Finals.  In 2008-09 he switched it up, playing for the Red Wings when they lost the Stanley Cup to his former team, the Penguins.  Cue the 2009-10 season, late in the 3^rd period of game 6 when the puck bounces off Hossa’s skate and onto the stick of the hirsute Troy Hartnell who promptly tied the game with said puck.  30 seconds later, Hossa was stuffed on a last second breakaway sending the game into overtime.  I have to admit that for a second I thought that, just maybe, the Flyers were going to take the whole damn thing and it was all Marian’s fault.  Again.

2. Jeremy Roenick Cried! – Jermey Roenick, a long time Blackhawk and current NHL commentator, has always been known as a blue-collar player and all-around tough son-of-a-bitch, albeit a little crazy.  If Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer, Roenick’s have to at least cure herpes or something.  He was always that tough!  That’s why this tender moment shook me to the core, almost equal to when I found out Santa Claus wasn’t real.  Touching, disturbing, and a little vomit inducing, it made the moment a little bit too much about Roenick and not about the guys who just won it.  I still think he should have punched Dan Patrick in the face, though.

Cue HD tears in 5,4,3,2,1:

1.It went in!  Wait, no it didn’t.  Yes it did.  HOLY SHIT HE SCORED! – In what had to have been the most awkward Stanley Cup winning goal of all time, my boy, and Chicago’s favorite member of the Lollypop Guild, Patrick Kane zipped the puck past Michael Leighton from THE BOTTOM of the circle FTW.  And with that, and J-Bob fist pumping in his living room (like Kirk Gibson NOT the Jersey Shore, assholes), the Hawks kissed the Stanley Cup in celebration for the first time in my life.  And for anyone who ever loved the Blackhawks and/or NHL ’94 on Sega Genesis (“He made Gretzky’s head bleed!”), all was right with the world.