Of all the possibilities, opportunities, that an ID unlocks…my kid sister used mine to get books out at the library. Which really impressed-slash-amazed me since it usually gets a lot of mileage on Thursday/Friday/Saturday nights. Until this weekend, when a $19.00 late fee came addressed to me for “A Witch’s Grimoire of Ancient Omens, Portents, Talismans, Amulets, and Charms.” Dear blind-bat library lady, use of 21-ID for anything other than booze, porn, cigs should send up red flags.
Three volumes of tarot reading and hexing. What happened to book burning, conspiracy theory, and the CIA showing up at your door for treason…or does that come with the 90-day late notice?
Wasting a perfectly good ID…not in my day! This Twilight, supernatural crap is totally chapping my ass. Can we please see about the real threats to society? You don’t have to be Lady Gaga flipping out at a Mets game…
- Jessica Simpson – Why? Track Record (Tony Romo, John Mayer, Nick Lachey, Jeremy Renner)…don’t be fooled by her “Is this chicken or is this tuna?” tagline. Currently dating ex-NFL player Eric Johnson. Who’s now just a free-agent. Who just ‘decided not to attend’ the Wharton School of Business for his MBA. Jessica “totally supports” him AKA has put a spell on him.
- Dennis Rodman – Duh. His SUV flips over an interstate in FL and he survives with just a scratch on his finger. “I’m still living brother,” Rodman told his agent. “They can’t get rid of me.”
Just gonna sit here with my effing crystal ball and wait for angry villagers to show up on my porch. Consider this a public service announcement on actual witch sitings.
And remember: “hex” rhymes with “ex”
PSA brought to you by The Rook
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