Wake Up! With FWG’s Really Hot Girlfriend

This is not your normal wake up.  This is my girlfriend.

Now some of you may be saying, “Really, Rob?  You’re exploiting your super hot girlfriend for traffic to this website.” Listen judgemental-judgersons, this isn’t about me sky rocketing her to instant Internet fame.  Hardly.  It’s a blog about what life must be like for incredibly hot women, including examples from my 2.5 years with this one.  Enjoy

I think that the movie “As Good As It Get’s” had it right with Jack Nicholson’s take on how he “writes” women so well, “I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability.”  Which is not a slight to women, no not at all.  I think it is more of a testament to the fact that beautiful women operate on a different level then men (or their ugly, chubby counterparts).

Allow me to give you a classic example from this weekend.  My girlfriend, vacationing in the Hamptons with 10 equally charming and beautiful girls (like a  perfect storm, boys) ordered chicken fingers, fries, and a club sandwich from some snack bar.  Now, in any man’s experience, this is how it plays out:  Order food, pay, eat food, eat feelings, consumed with guilt for having eaten what once was chicken but was processed into something called a “finger.”  My girlfriend on the other hand took her meal to her seat, sat down opened up the Styrofoam lid and found this:

I was blown away.  No, not by the fact that this “Mr. G” thought this was his best shot, but along the lines that my girlfriend’s reaction wasn’t more…surprised. That’s just it, she wasn’t even flustered.  She brushed it off like a seasoned vet, just another day at the office (sigh). The way you might pass a penny on the street and not pick it up, this is how she dealt with this situation.  I flat out asked her, “What’s it like to be you?”  She smiled, laughed, and really didn’t offer any sort of verbalization.  I was caught in her trance, she’d offered no explanation of the previous events, no answer to my question, and yet I’d felt satisfied with her “Fanswer” (that’s fake-answer, try and keep up).

I tried to explain that this was not an everyday occurrence and that this doesn’t happen to people that aren’t on Saved by the Bell or in the NFL.  But she wasn’t buying it, “You’re telling me this NEVER happens to you?”

That’s where she had me.  It had happened.  Once.

The year was 2004, I was a freshman in college visiting my roommate in Georgia.  A Waffle House waitress, weighing in at a deuce, deuce-n-a-half, left her number on my check.  She had moles on her face, three teeth, and her name was Sue.  While a lifetime of free waffles was definitely up for grabs, I declined out of fear of being crushed, or breathed on.

But this is exactly my point, stories like this for guys like me (us) are told laughing, in the vane of “remember that one time…”  For girls like my girlfriend the conversation goes, “Yeah, every few days some guy leaves me his number.”  Unbelievable.

I’ll have to add this to the mental list of things hot girls get away with, which includes: Speeding tickets, bar tabs, and paying taxes.

Now before I get the flood of emails calling me a jerk, let me remind you that I love my girlfriend very much, but she thinks its normal to order Sangria at a bar that doesn’t have it in the menu/drink list/repertoire and then have the bartender whip up a batch….just for her.