Meet The Fatties

The Formerly Fat White Guy Project is OFFICIALLY underway.

So after sifting through hundreds, if not thousands of emails. I have found my chosen few.

Meet The Fat Guys:

Pat: He’s Fat

Meet Fat Pat. Pat is fat. Watch Pat eat. Watch Pat walk. Pat walks slow.

Fat Pat hails from the state of Massachusetts. Another former football player, resigned to a life of mediocrity, stuck in a cubicle 8 hours a day. Pat now passes the day eating his feelings.



That’s Mr. Walk-on-Boy, to you

This next picture comes to us all the way from Sweden (by way of Minnesota). His name is also Pat, aka Walk-on-Boy, who tells us that “playing European football, coupled with mid-week drinking-sans social stigma” has left him in need to drop a few LB’s. This picture, which he took solely for this contest is like a car accident, I need to keep driving, but I..can’t…look…away.








The Local Flavor: Meet Martin

Martin is the biggest man in Austria. Literally. Here’s his story (in his words):

After 17 years of almost no sports 2 classmates of mine returned from their high school exchange year in the US with 2 footballs in their luggage. Not knowing any rules we decided to play football instead of the regular sports classes. Then I met a guy at some party who mentioned that he played football in Vienna.

Thursday after the party I joined the first practice.

So a 12 year O-line career began.

The problem is this was 1988. While weighing in at around 120kg (265lbs) as a player—eating the same and not playing has gotten me to 180 kg (296lbs). BRING ON THE CHALLENGE!



The Underachiever: Meet Tony

A lot of people go to school for 9 years, we call them doctors. But in this case, we’ll call him “Tony.” Tony sent me an email telling me that he was basically a chronic underachiever and in keeping with that theme would only be trying for second place, meaning he’d get to take over the blog for a day, score a free t-shirt, and go back to his life of mediocrity. I like his commitment (or lack thereof?). Anyway, Tony weights in a clean 310lbs.

Bonus Points: Tony has a website: Tobacco Juice Sports (heavy on the Skoal, light on the boring).



Football Fatty: Meet Morgan.

Insert Guten Morgen pun here. Morgan, another former football player making his way in the exciting world of medical device sales, has had a few problems with his weight. He’s on the right track, and he’s nearly my cousin so I had to put him in (ahhh nepotism at its finest).



And then there was Tex…

“ I don’t remember where Tex was from”-Forest Gump (see what I just did there.)

I told you skinny-fat counted.

“Ryan” who will hence forth be referred to as TEX comes to us from the state where everything is bigger, including his waist line. In his words, “Fried chicken, bacon cheeseburgers, twinkies, and excessive amounts of candy are among my weekly consumptions that contribute to my physique. Also, my fat hood includes a great deal of sloth which is also another reason I should be a candidate.” Oh Tex, you had me at fried chicken.

Readers Comments (4)

  1. Did I actually get bounced from the competition before it started? Intimidated bye my belly?

  2. Hey if we’re going to document it I’m going to document the HELL out of this one pant leg at a time and gold plated diapers, babies. No matter how embarrassing it may be or come back to bite me in the ass in a couple years. If I cared about that, I wouldn’t be doing a damn thing.

    For the record: just weighed in at 110 kilos (242.5 lbs) post-breakfast, pre-deuce. Let the games begin. Best of luck gentleman.

  3. go to


  4. btw, sxaysarah12110 is sarah…alex’s friend.


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