My friend Mike has been throwing his Philly-based two cents in about the hockey playoffs for the last few weeks. Once the Flyers took care of the Sabres and the Bruins outlasted the Canadiens, I thought it would be fun to poke Mike with a stick to get him fired up about his Flyers taking on my Bruins. The following is what I got in return.
****Be warned, this is not suitable for children, or anyone with a shred of moral decency left in their body****
(Received last week)
I’m getting that smack talking and stabb-y feeling.
Originally, this was going to be a nice, happy post. Extolling the virtues of the Sabres and giving them a firm pat on the back. Telling them “good series”, “tough loss” (except for Gerbe and Kaleta. And Ruff. Fuck those guys. I mean, seriously, the dude looks like a cross between Hulk Hogan and the guy whose face melts at the end of Raiders of The Lost Ark)
It was a hard fought series but the big bodies of the Flyers prevailed. By the OT of game 6, the Sabres looked gassed. That just carried over into Game 7 and they got abused.
Anyway, that’s what I was originally going to ramble on about.
Until Boston won.
Is there any worse sports town with more shitheaded fans? Let’s throw New York and Dallas out of the equation because I think even a Boston guy and a Philly guy can agree both of those towns suck way harder. I mean, who can’t get behind a good sentiment like “Screw the Cowboys” and “Yankees suck”. To steal a line from Jim Caple, “Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for Ticketmaster, only with better T-shirts.”
I digress.
Screw Boston. Not to get quote happy, but a buddy over at Flyers Goal Scored By put it succinctly: “The Bruins have wanted this for a year. The Capitals for three. If we can beat them again I don’t care who comes out of the West, they’re going to get facebroke. If we can’t, then we didn’t deserve it. But that Flyers team I saw in the first two periods on Tuesday? That team was something no one wants a piece of, whether they have revenge on their minds or not. That was a fucking Cheez Whiz avalanche.”
That series last year was our first real test. In 09-10, we ran over the New Jersey Devils after just making the playoffs and faced adversity for the first time. Now this team is experienced, already had to deal with a scrappy team and kept their composure. With all of the chippiness of the Sabres series, I expected more fights. Instead, they got in a jabs, and in Game 7 they just embarrassed them on the score board.
The Sabres were a dangerous team on the man advantage. The Boston Bear Fuckers are 0 for the playoffs. They make the Flyers power play look good. It might be dangerous to take penalties, but if you tell guys like Carcillo and Hartnell they can take a run at those guys and not to worry about taking a penalty or two? Watch out.
In conclusion, screw The Boston Eurasian Brown Bears. That’s right. They’re not even AMERICAN. Not even CANADIAN. Primarily found in RUSSIA. Like COMMIES!!!! Rooting for Boston is like rooting for Communism! You’re not COMMUNIST ARE YOU!??!? You would never chose COMMUNISM over the BIRTHPLACE OF AMERICA and FREEDOM, right?
You remember what happened the last time the FREEDOM LOVING Flyers battled the RED ARMY right? Or the COMMIES hiding in Boston???
In conclusion: U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! AND REMEMBER A CHEER FOR BOSTON IS A CHEER FOR COMMUNISM.
The floor is yours, senator.
*Disclaimer the glue fumes may have gotten stronger as I was writing this article so the verbage may have deteriorated as it went on. The sentiment, however, remains the same.
—-Mike From Philly
I was prepared to offer a spirited rebuttal and attack each Flyer individually. Especially their goalie, eh sorry goalies.
But after the Bruins went in and took the first two games in Philly the only thing I have to say is, THE BRUINS WENT IN AND TOOK THE FIRST TWO GAMES IN PHILLY!!!!
So Mike, do ya like-a the way that Tim Thomas’ dick taste?
—–Corey
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