We have all cracked open a stale fortune cookie after gorging ourselves on Chinese food. Sometimes we even find a little nugget of wisdom that we hope applies to our future. Other times the small strip of paper only provides us with interesting things that may happen in bed.
The History Channel has a special on a more prestigious fortune cookie. Nostradamus laid out thousands of predictions and some have proven true with startling accuracy. There are correlations between the Kennedy Assassinations and 9/11 if one can broaden one’s mind enough to accept them.
If you haven’t seen it I suggest you check it out the next time it’s on. Since the History Channel shows it more than TBS shows Seinfeld and The Office, you shouldn’t have a hard time finding it.
Recently, while falling asleep to this fascinating documentary, I realized that there may be another teller of fortunes that has gone unnoticed all these years. The group, whose alleged affiliation with the Dark Arts only furthers the intrigue surrounding the accuracy of their premonitions, is known as Led Zeppelin.
For your consideration I present a mind blowing examination of how Led Zepplin was not simply creating music. They were trying to warn us, if only we had listened.
Babe I’m Gonna Leave You – Zeppelin saw the astronomical rise in the divorce rate coming. Why couldn’t we?
Dazed and Confused –
Been Dazed and Confused for so long it’s not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.
Lots of people talk and few of them know,
soul of a woman was created below.
Every day I work so hard, bringin’ home my hard earned pay
Try to love you baby, but you push me away.
This is a warning to all the men who went on to marry any one of those black hearted ‘Real Housewives’ or ‘Basketball Wives’.
Living Loving Maid – Break the title down a bit. Live in. Loving maid. The English Rockers were trying to warn their country woman Siena Miller that having a live in, loving laid was not a good idea. I’m sure Jude Law’s argument was “She’s just a woman”. No doubt because the maid/nanny was just a plain ordinary woman compared to Miller.
Whole Lotta Love – There is an incomprehensible section at the end of the second chorus. With lyrics like “I’m gonna give you every inch of my love”, “Shake for me girl, I wanna be your back door man”, “I’ve been drooling”, and “Wanna whole lotta love?” is there any doubt that this was written as a warning to all the strippers, porn stars, and cocktail waitresses out there to steer clear of Tiger Woods?
Immigrant Song – This seems to be a clear reference to the immigration issues plaguing the Mexican people. Predicting how they would turn to singing songs on the subway as a way to express their pain.
When The Levee Breaks – Sadly Zeppelin saw the tragedy of Katrina coming years before FEMA or the Bush Administration. Clearly George W didn’t like to get the Led out, which is one more reason not to like the guy. Just in case you needed one.
Trampled Under Foot – This was Led Zeppelin’s attempt to get us to avoid shopping on Black Friday.
Houses of The Holy –
Let me take you to the movies. Can I take you to the show
Let me be yours ever truly. Can I make your garden grow
There’s an angel on my shoulder, In my hand a sword of gold
Let me wander in your garden. And the seeds of love I’ll sow. You know.
They say that rock and roll is for kids. This seems to be a hidden warning to all the children about avoiding churches. There are countless priests alleged with using things like the movies as a way in the gate, so they can go wandering around in the gardens. You know?
I Can’t Quit You Baby – Could be seen as predicting the success of Brokeback Mountain, but I have a different take. The song, to me, is clearly predicting how we would become addicted to everything about celebrities. How no matter how much it pains us we are obsessed with everything about them, including their trouble with drugs and alcohol. So in other words, we are addicted to their addictions.
Dancing Days – The band was trying to warn us about being suckered in by ‘Dancing With the Stars’, ‘So You Think You Can Dance’, and whatever the other fifteen shows that depict the same thing are called.
Stairway to Heaven – And if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last. When all are one and one is all, yeah. To be a rock and not to roll.
The band is imploring us to heed their words, and begging us to listen to the messages cleverly hidden in their music.
No one listened to Nostradamus when he was alive. It was only after all the bad things that he ‘predicted’ happened that we gave his voice credence. People listened to Led Zepplin, but much like Billy Hoyle with Jimi Hendrix, they couldn’t hear them.
I suggest we open our ears and start examining the entire Led Zeppelin catalog for signs of the apocalypse. Maybe they can help us find a stairway that leads us somewhere better.
Or maybe everything I have just said is complete rubbish.
But clearly there’s worse things in the world than more people listening to quality Rock and Roll.
——Corey
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