The Weekend Recap: Dumb and Dumber Edition

mma_e_carwinblood_576Shane Carwin lying to doctors about his ability to see, during the third round of his fight with Junior Dos Santos at UFC 131, was dumb.

But it was a chair in the shower after a tough game level of dumb. It was the lobster of dumb.

Knowing that the man couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, and still wouldn’t allow himself to give up as a giant Brazilian punching machine was bearing down on him, proves that Carwin, much like many other UFC fighters, has the heart of lion.

It also proves that they have yet to make the trek to the Wizard to inquire about some of the brains he dropped in the tin man.

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Aaron Rome saying he didn’t do anything wrong by blind siding Bruins F Nathan Horton is dumb.

The video speaks for itself. Horton had gotten rid of the puck, had his head turned, and Rome lined him up. Playoff hockey, according to the person writing this, is like a celebrity death match on ice. Rome’s hit was grabbing a folding chair and hitting a man when he had his back turned.

Yes it exemplifies the hardnosed attitude that makes playoff hockey so great. But it was very late. Even Rome’s coach called it a late hit. Rome defended the hit, saying he needed to play on the edge. Playing on the edge means you are right there on top of things, ready to spring into action.

It does not mean measuring up a defenseless player, who you weren’t fast enough to get to when he actually had the puck.

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Mark Cuban trying to play a good guy, who is not a glory hound, is dumb.

The guy made a savvy PR move by inviting Jed Clampett up onto the podium to accept the Mavericks championship trophy last night. The old man was the team’s first owner and it showed an unselfish streak that we don’t expect from Cuban. The only problem was that he didn’t even let the man get one arthritic finger on the thing before he snatched it away and hoisted it over his head.

Mark, you are one of the most entertaining owners in all of professional sports. Please don’t ruin it by pretending to be an unselfish guy who isn’t dying to run around shouting, “Kiss the ring bitch!”.

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The Miami Heat, by the way, are dumber than Carwin, Rome, and Cuban combined. And so, for that matter, is Scottie Pippen.

Congrats to Dirk, Jason Terry, Jason Kidd, and the rest of the Dallas Mavericks. As a Red Sox fan who knows how it feels to exact revenge on the team responsible for torturing you the most, I couldn’t be happier that you avenged the 2006 meltdown against the Heat.

Even after the Mavericks went up 3-2 I still thought that Miami would win. They had spent so much time telling me how good they were, how special their team was, and how they were going to win ring after ring after ring. The media played along. Even the announcers calling the game for ABC were talking like it was a foregone conclusion that the Heat would win, because they had the two best players on the court.

The only problem is that they didn’t have the two best players.

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The Miami Heat look dumber, because they ignored the warning signs. Lebron James is like the smoking hot girl at the bar that every guy is staring at, but no one is trying to take home. From far away she is almost too good looking to approach. She has dimensions that boggle your mind, to the point where you drive yourself, and your friends, crazy hypothesizing about them.

The problem? She knows she’s the hottest girl in the room. After years of being fawned all over, she has come to rely solely on those good looks, never taking the time to develop a personality, or any sort of sexual proficiency. After all, most guys would just be happy to be in the same room when she took her clothes off, right?

Next time you see someone that looks like Marisa Miller with a guy, look into his eyes. There will be something there that you never expected to find; a sadness that only great disappointment can provide.

He thought that he had hit the jackpot. But after years of monotonous sex, listening to her bitch about her fingernails and the fact that they forgot to take the croutons off of her salad, and only having her open her mouth to do anything other than complain, once a year, he is defeated.

The Miami Heat are defeated. They thought they knew what they were getting. The greatest of all time. The next Michael Jordan. A juggernaut of epic proportions, that couldn’t lose.

Dwayne Wade won a title with Shaquille O’Neal, when O’Neal was slightly past his prime.

What does it say about Lebron that he couldn’t give Wade a second title, in the prime of his career, and with the help of another all star?

It says that sometimes going after the hottest girl in the room is dumb.

It says that running your mouth, taunting the other team’s best player when you don’t have the heart to back it up, and guaranteeing victory before the season starts is dumb.

It says that thinking you can win by bringing in a guy who quit on a city, and a team, is dumb.

It says that no one will ever be better than Jordan, and anyone who thinks otherwise is dumb.

Maybe next year the Heat should start the season by driving a third of the way across the country, in the wrong direction. That way we won’t think they could get any dumber, and then they can completely redeem themselves.

——-Corey

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