A 4th of July Present From The Bar Don’t Lie

Think about the wildly inappropriate behavior that becomes acceptable in a place like Disney World.

Surrounded by giant fiberglass caricatures, life-sized stuffed animals, and fantastic worlds that exist for forty five seconds at a time, you get away with yelling, screaming, gorging on giant turkey legs, cutting in line, jumping, pouting, and tantrums of all shapes and sizes.  And that’s not even those who aren’t tall enough to ride the rides.

It’s almost as if, in the happiest place on Earth, the rules of conduct cease to exist.

Imagine if you put that same atmosphere, that same laissez faire attitude into a college bar.  What would you come up with? Since the headaches forced me to stop reading minds, I only have my imagination to go on, and my imagination knows what that would you come up with.

Regrets.

I worked at a bar in South Carolina that featured a thirty foot statue dressed in a parrot shirt, sunglasses, and a safari hat, named Banana Joe, huge palm trees that stretched from floor to ceiling, and loads of other cheesy island décor that would make Margaritaville throw up in its mouth.

At Disney World there is an intoxicating energy that affects you regardless of age.  In this particular bar, that same energy removed inhibitions and common sense as soon as you walked into a warehouse that has been converted into a bastardized version of paradise.  It featured cheap drinks, and competitions that required copious amounts of them in order to participate.

College night featured $1 draft beers in any size cup you could find, and a whipped cream bikini contest.

I’m sure that almost everyone out there has done something they regretted while on spring break in Panama City, Cancun, or wherever the kids are going to play Russian roulette with STD’s these days, but the mistake stayed on vacation.  It was in front of a few close friends who were too drunk to care, and hundreds of blacked out strangers you will never see again.

It wasn’t in front of the kid with the camera phone, who sits behind you in Econ.

It’s hard to regret a mistake that you never have to be reminded of.  A decision that snickers at you in class is very hard not to.

There is a time and place to act like you’re in Disney World, and it’s not when you are fueled by cheap beer and the poetic musings of Lil John.  Licking whipped cream off a stranger’s sweaty boobs in front of rowdy frat guys, with your eyes rolled back in your head, is something that despite evidence to the contrary, no one really finds attractive.

The Bar says that whether you’re with your peers, coworkers, or bosses, one mistake, one whipped cream bikini, can tarnish a reputation that you spent a lifetime trying to build.

And The Bar Don’t Lie.

For more visit www.thebardontlie.com

Happy 4th of July everyone!