Bar Darwinism (Re-Post)

I have gotten some requests about just what is “Bar-Darwinism.” So here is the re-post.

I’m curious about the relative babe-magnetism of different positions on the team. Everybody assumes that QBs get all the chicks- but is that really true? How do different positions compare? Linemen vs. skill positions vs. kickers vs. special teams etc…

Well, that’s a great question. And I think I have a good answer. Sure, our QBs clean up, with their sharp jaws and chiseled abs. But I’d think you’d be surprised to find that most linemen have very attractive girlfriends, if they have girlfriends at all. I know that I am a personal testament to the rule of over-achieving-fat-white-guys. Seriously, my girlfriend is way out of my league. (See below)
But I think linemen do well because, like many-a-fat chick, we may never have been the best looking or most athletic guys, so by the rules of Bar-Darwinism we were forced to develop a personality, lest we rely solely on our marginal good looks, and thus starve in this proverbial survival of the fittest. They say that if you can make a girl laugh you make her do anything. Even date a fatty. Also, being taller or bigger than our teammate counterparts gives us an automatic conversation starter. Hang around with Dan Ryan for a while and just count how many random “beautiful babies” come up to him (after a few wobbly-pops) and regale him with estimates of his height. Seriously, Mike Hicks, Alex Lamagdalaine, Steve Brouse all have hot girlfriends. Cody Brown is currently dating a girl that is a better athlete than him, and beautiful none-the-less. Same to Julius Williams and Brandon Dillon. I’d like to make this comparison if I could (and I can). Sure a Porsche is fast and fun to drive,but a truck is reliable and will get you through all seasons.