Go ahead, call me an ignorant American. And yes all signs probably point to that when 90% of the world cares about something and the United States doesn’t. But soccer is not, and probably will not ever be popular in the United States. Ever. Communist kickball I say! Give me my NFL Sundays and Mondays and let’s call it a day.
I mean this is the United States, we declare our sports “World Champions” when the only international competition we play is our neighbors to the North; and even then they are target of many a hack joke. Canada: Like America’s Hat.
I spent 5 months in Europe, playing American Football there. They don’t give a damn about American football anymore than we care about soccer. Only thing is they are unapologetic about it. I can’t tell you how many times I was face to face with an Austrian telling me that even rugby was better than football. Blasphemous! But it is how they see it.
I’m not saying one school of thought is wrong or right, in fact there is probably a common thread for which the disdain on both sides of the argument grows: We don’t really understand soccer, and they can’t understand why we have guys in helmets chasing around a brown oblong spheroid. Yup, that is probably the politically correct answer.
But from my point of view, I guess I like sports in which people score. Where faking an injury isn’t seen as a talent. Sports where the faux hawk isn’t acceptable. Of course I bring this argument out of retirement every four years when World Cup fever strikes like swine flu: Fatal everywhere but the United States (thanks Obama-care!)
I’ll let Europe and the rest of the universe enjoy soccer, I just won’t watch it. ESPN will only cover it because…well…I’m not sure why they cover it. It’s a lot like the Olympics: a few great storylines surrounded by a bunch of mediocre ones. It’s great to see nations converge on each other every four years, like an athletic world war. But I don’t care for it, no it doesn’t excite me.
Except for hooligans. God, I love hooligans. Anyone that is willing to get drunk and kick ass in the name of a sports team I can really support. But beyond that, it’s really not for me. And evidence suggests it’s not for Americans over the age of 12; which coincidentally is also when you start to judge things for yourself, realize what’s cool and fun and what’s not. Hell I even played soccer. Yup, I was on the blue team. Then I hit puberty and realized that kicking around a ball and maybe scoring once every 10 games was about as much fun as getting stung by bees. MLS isn’t exactly breaking the bank either, so relax with this World Cup stuff, you don’t care and neither do I.
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