FWG Insider: Once You Go Black You Never Go Back (Tales From A Birkin Bag Shopping Fiasco)


Had an interesting experience last week and decided to share my story with FWG Nation.

For those who might’ve missed my previous posts, I work in the sports industry with professional football players.

For better or worse, I’ve developed a reputation for helping these guys get stuff done.  Need a private chef in Green Bay?  Divorce lawyer in Seattle?  Call me!

But this request last week absolutely takes the cake.

A certain well-known (if slightly over the hill) player called me to ask him find a purse for his wife.

But this guy wasn’t looking for something from Coach or Gucci or Prada…he was looking for a Birkin bag.

Not to stereotype, but I’m guessing most people who read this blog don’t know what this is.

Allow me to enlighten you.

A Birkin bag is made by a snooty French company called Hermes (you can impress your girlfriend by pronouncing it the French way, ‘air-MEZZ’).

They make like 100 of these things a year and the price STARTS at 9 fucking thousand bucks.

So Mr. NFL calls to say he would like to buy one for his wife.  And who cares that people are on the wait list for years?  He needs it for Christmas.

I decided to take on the challenge.

Several phone calls later, I’ve learned a few things.

1)     The people that work in the stores are mostly men.

2)     The men that work in the stores have never heard of Mr. NFL.

3)     The non-football fans that work in the stores are not allowed to discuss the bag over the phone.

So, the conversations usually went something like this:

Me: “Hi. I’m calling for Mr. NFL.  He’s a player for the XXX XXXX.”

Store: Silence.

Me: “He’s a really good player. Big fan favorite.”

Store: “Um, I don’t really follow football.  But ok.”

Me: “Right, I know…but he’s a celebrity…don’t you have some on hand?”

Store: “He’s not really a big enough celebrity…”

Me: “Well, I know Kim Kardashian always carries a Birkin bag and she dates football players, so she clearly think they’re cool…”

Store: “Ohhhh…we looooove Kim!”

Me: “Of course you do.  So, we’re looking for a Birkin bag.”

Store: “There’s a two year wait list.”

Me: “Do you have any in the store that we could buy?  I’m ready to buy it today.”

Store: “Yes. But I’m not allowed to talk about them on the phone.”

Me: “Ok, so… can you tell me if you have one in stock?”

Store: “No, you’ll have to come into the store to see if we’ll be able to sell it to you.”

I had this same conversation like, 5 times.

Finally.  I cracked one of the douches.  They had a white bag in stock and it was mine.


So I text Mr. NFL to let him know that I found a white one.  And what was the response?

“I want black.”

Right.  Good luck with that.

–        FWG Insider

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