My Face Fucking Hurts


I just “dry shaved” my beard in order to maintain a business-professional standard of grooming.  For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, it involves no soap or water and a dull razor you found in the trunk of you car.  While driving, proceed to stroke said dull razor against the grain until desired standard has been achieved.  Feel free to answer phone calls, or check your blind spots and bleed on your white shirt (this is par for the course).  Upon arriving at your important business meeting, remember that you’ve just done more damage to your face, than looking like a lumberjack would have done to your business interests.  That is all.

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