The first few dates can be difficult as each person is trying to put their best foot forward without tripping over it. Nerves run high while you choose what to share and what not to share. As a bartender, I overhear a lot of shit and it’s mostly about dating and relationships – men included! The majority of what I hear is men and women trying to decipher what worked and didn’t work on their respective dates.
Here are some tips based on what I’ve learned from personal dating experience as well as talking to my customers.
·When a person says “I’ll call you,” and doesn’t, should you call him?
No! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people talk themselves into ignoring the signs of blatant disinterest. Plain and simple – if they don’t call, don’t waste your time. Move on. They certainly have.
·Skip the texting.
There’s no way you can get to know someone through text messaging. Sure, it’s a risk-free way of communicating, but if you’re afraid to take a risk, why not agree to an arranged marriage? It’s risk free and you’ll never have to pick up the phone. Save the texts for logistical shit like, “Be there in 5.”
·Put your cell phone away!
Unless your waiting for a call from your sister who’s about to go into labor with her first child that took seven years to conceive, stash that shit in your pocket. If you’re more interested in what’s going on outside the date, why go out in the first place?
I once dated a guy who was always on the phone when we’d go out. My solution was to beep into each and every conversation by calling him from across the table. Eventually, he got the hint.
·Keep Facebook out of it!
Why oh why would you friend someone you’re dating? It’s like giving them a key to your apartment. I made that mistake once (the Facebook part) and eventually had to defriend the guy because each time I was online, he’d IM me. And it didn’t stop there because once he got hip to it, he began texting me to find out why I gave him the cyber brush-off. Leave Facebook to your friends – your real friends.
Pay Attention!
Ask questions and listen to the replies. Too many times, we fall in love with someone’s potential ignoring blatant signs that tell us otherwise. If your date references their short stint in jail after going through a “rough patch”, don’t fall in love with the comeback kid in them – find out more about their story. They may very well be ripe for an appearance on Oprah, but make sure it’s Oprah and not Jerry Springer.
Shut up and Listen!
Everyone likes an audience, but nobody wants to be one. Sometimes it’s hard to remember this especially when your nerves get the best of you. Slow down and remember to have a conversation. After all, isn’t a date supposed to be an opportunity to learn more about one another? I once had a date with a guy who didn’t come up for air the entire evening. He came to visit my bar two days later and had he let me get a word in edgewise, he would’ve known that I prefer a man not to visit me while I’m working. Dude – I don’t sit by your desk while you’re crunching numbers all day, right?
Dating cadence can be tricky – One person’s soul mate is another person’ disaster. And while there’s no formula for success, relationship hopefuls can take heart in the fact that we’re all looking for love. So take the blinders off and for god’s sake – chew with your mouth closed – and I’m not just talking to the men!
—-Liz Weber
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