The only way this story gets better is if he decided to swindle cold cuts instead of Bud Lights.
Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Mike Vrabel was arrested at the Belterra Casino Resort & Spa on a class D felony charge for stealing eight bottles of beer from a deli (Casino deli? Please tell me more about this mystical casino deli you speak of). Apparently itching for some action with the recent NFL lockout in full effect, the Chiefs linebacker decided to up the stakes at a riverboat casino in Florence, Indiana by trying his luck at a different game.
As more details slowly come out of the Switzerland County sheriff’s department (Florence? Switzerland? Indiana sounds pretty diverse), the question of how Vrabel attempted to covertly snake eight bottles of beer out of a casino still looms. Was he wearing a trench coat? Man satchel? Possibly the fashion favorite of the casino crowd, a personalized XL fanny pack? Best guess, a drunken Vrabel probably thrust his bear paws into the icebox and snagged as many cold ones as he could, a move which seems extremely normal for a place still serving alcoholic beverages at 5 in the morning. The most confusing part of it all why Vrabel decided to steal the beers while on a riverboat casino. Where was he planning on jumping overboard after he heisted the brews?
Vrabel has already been rambling out the status quo PR mumbo jumbo by publicly stating this was all just a “big misunderstanding”. The disbanded players union has to be shaking its collective head, given their current squabble with the owners. The last thing the union wanted was the public viewing the players as privileged spoiled athletes, and to their regret, Vrabel became the poster child of that Monday morning.
Oh yeah, and Vrabel is supposed to appear in federal court tomorrow as one of the plaintiffs in the players antitrust suit against the owners. This whole ordeal should go over real well with his attorneys and fellow players. The owners and Roger Goodell haven’t stopped smiling since they first heard the news of the arrest.
In hindsight, Vrabel probably wishes he paid for the beers instead of forking over the $600 in bail later that morning, but that’s what makes it hindsight. Vrabel expected free booze because that’s what he and some other players in the league (Hi Big Ben!) have grown accustomed to over the years. They never once thought something as silly as a recession would limit their amount of freebies. So Vrabel was gonna’ go ahead and do what he do.
And the shifty Super Bowl champ would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling casino employees.
—-Seth Newton
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