My pre-game preparation checklist for game against Pirates:

1) Eat healthy breakfast (preferably something with slice bananas)

2) Re-hydrate thoroughly

3) Long period of stretching

4) Light pitching to loosen up

5) Steal six graphic tees from Macy’s

(Wait, huh?)

Evidently you can be arrested for a crime against fashion.

Meet Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Mike Leake. Before arriving at the ballpark for his game against the Pittsburgh Pirates, Leake decided it would be a great idea to remove the security tags off American Rag T-shirts valued at $59.88 each and walk out of a Macys store. There was a slight problem with his plan though. He underestimated the ever-vigilant security team of the famous department store’s Ludlow Ohio branch.

Mike Leake was arrested by Cincinnati police on Monday afternoon and was booked at the Hamilton County Justice Center, accused of theft. On a happier note, the officers were kind enough to let Leake go with more than enough time to get in uniform and make it to the game against the Pirates. And by all indications, it looks like Mike Leake has his greedy sights set on stealing the mound this coming Thursday.

At this point, the Cincinnati Reds organization is not willing to dish out a punishment to Mr. Leake until the exhausting justice system has run through its winding course. Then, in November, they will suspend Leake from any off-season workouts. Apparently the Reds are hoping this was all just a series of unfortunate events. The security tags could’ve fallen off by themselves. Leake could’ve forgotten to take out his wallet before leaving the store. He could’ve gotten into his car and drove away, with no awareness of the bad luck buzz saw he just ran into. There may be an even deeper conspiracy, but more than likely Leake stole some ugly shirts from a Macys and got caught on camera doing the deed.

Regardless of the legal outcome, not punishing Leake immediately for this isn’t the best example the Reds are setting. They can’t excuse this type of behavior just because of the pettiness of it. By refusing to do anything, the Reds are turning their organization into a playground where criminals are free to run amuck (Someone in the Reds front office must’ve gotten a hold of the Bengals playbook, there’s no other way to explain it).

There’s no question these ridiculous shirts essential for clubbing do cost a pretty penny, and Leake’s salary from last year ($425,000) is a pitiful drop in the water compared to the Jones’ (see A-Rod) he has to keep up with around the league, but that’s no reason to steal from the nice people who deliver us such a pleasant Thanksgiving parade every year. JC Penny on the other hand, Klepto Mikey can have at it (Penny has never floated one damn balloon for us after all those years of our moms buying their crappy back-to-school clothing).

To ease the masses, Mike’s PR guy will most likely come out saying Leake only did it because he was rushing to make it to the ballpark on time. That he really was intending to pay for the shirts right after the game. Well, maybe the very next day after going out to the clubs in his new shirt the night before. Honestly, that’s when he was going to pay Macys back for those ugly, overpriced tees.

Shockingly, Mike Leake is requesting some form of community service in place of any amount of served time, which his slick lawyer will easily help him get. Leake will rake a few leaves in the park and take some pictures with disadvantaged youths, but will he ever think what he did was wrong?

If he’s a frequent traveler, let’s hope so. Even today, there are still a few places around the world where you can get your hand cut off for pulling a stunt like that.

—–Seth Newton