Does Rex Ryan’s new book, “Play Like You Mean It” come with a bulging gut spilling over its spine, or sweat and shake like a bowl full of rapist in church jelly?
I didn’t think so.
The reason that Rex Ryan is so entertaining isn’t just because he is a loud mouth who isn’t afraid to call people out. Part of his appeal comes from the inarguable fact is that he is a fat ass.
Before you go getting all angry and spit some PC riddled venom at me for saying that fat people are entertaining, like circus animals, hear me out.
Chris Farley, may he rest in peace, was a brilliant physical comedian. As was John Belushi, who I hope is resting peacefully as well. Both men were horribly out of shape but they used it to create a persona. Their obesity was no laughing matter, but they turned the tables on it and made it work to their advantage. It was that physical quality that made them impossible to keep your eyes off of.
Which brings me back to Rex Ryan. If he wasn’t so overweight that it made us nauseous to think of him having sex with his wife, do you think the country would have made such a big deal over the whole foot thing? If his rolls didn’t have rolls, would him changing shirts at a hockey game to don the home teams jersey have been on Sportscenter the following morning?
The answer is no.
So why would Ryan think that he can transfer his gift for physical comedic entertainment into a book? This bothers me as a writer who sees another ass clown devoid of any writing talent getting a book. That’s one less book for quality writers who devote their lives to their craft, but that’s a story for another day.
There are no groundbreaking revelations in “Play Like You Mean It”. He doesn’t admit to having his original title shot “Eat Like You Mean It” shot down by editors. Ryan does use the book as another opportunity to talk about Tom Brady. Pointing out that every man in American should hate Tom Brady because of who he is married to. For all the energy, and let’s face it, for a man that size talking is an aerobic exercise, he spends talking about Brady, one might be inclined to think he has quarterback envy.
The book also slams former Jet Kerry Rhodes for being ‘selfish’, a ‘hollywood guy’, and for not wanting to put in work. Rhodes was considered one of the best safeties in football before Ryan came to New Jersey. One has to wonder if the comments are based on fact, or stem from some personal beef the two men had.
Ryan calls Vernon Ghoulston ‘a phony’. To which Ghouslton replied, ‘I’m rubber and you’re glue…’
The book also discusses last year’s sideline tripping incident. Ryan claims that neither he nor Special Teams coach Mike Westhoff knew anything about it. I think we need to get Daniel Kafee in there and ask whether Col. Ryan ordered the code trip, then maybe we will get the truth. Hopefully we will be able to handle it.
I have to give Ryan some credit, Wes Welker insisted. He is a good football coach.
The problem with this book, and the reason I would never read it, aside from the fact that Jets green makes me want to go all Michael Douglas in ‘Falling Down, is that Ryan tells us all these things in person. Or in live post game interviews. His honest, pull no punches mentality makes him a big fat ball of sound bite brilliance.
But why would we bother wasting money on this tell all book from a guy that can’t keep his mouth shut?
Maybe next time Rex should come out with a cookbook. I would definitely buy that.