Welcome to Port-O-John Island Mr. Fick


“If you’re going to … try to make me feel bad, you aren’t going to do it. It ain’t going to happen,”

That’s what Leroy Fick said in response to the outrage that, after winning $2 Million in a Michigan lottery, he is still collecting, and using government issued food stamps.

Due to a loophole in the lottery system, he is still eligible because the lump sum payment isn’t considered a part of his annual income.

Mr. Fick may be resolute in his stance that him feeling bad aint going to happen, but call me St. Jude because I’m going to try anyway.

Roughly 13 million children in this country are either hungry, or living in a situation with a high risk of experiencing hunger. Instead of allowing a few of those children the comfort that comes with a hot meal on their table each night, Mr. Fick’s 58 year old mouth, which resides in a brand new home, and drives a brand new used Audi, decided it needs that government cheese more.

Mr. Fick has claimed that he isn’t breaking any law, and called to ensure he could still use his food stamps after winning.

There are some states that allow you to marry your cousin. Does that make it right?

There are also some states where it is illegal to engage in oral sex, and others that prohibit getting a fish drunk.

So clearly just following the letter of the law does not guarantee a happy and just life.

If Mr. Fick doesn’t want to hear the argument that he’s taking money, and food, out of hungry children’s skinny little fingers, then maybe he will hear this.

There is an ass hole Mount Rushmore located on an island in the middle of the pacific. It is completed isolated, no other land mass for four hundred miles. The island is also known as Port-O-John Island because of how the humid climate affects the massive amount of bird shit that accumulates on it. The island is like the last rest stop for 60 miles on the bird highway, they all use it.

Already enshrined on Port-O-John island are; Donald Sterling, who refused to pay for cancer removing surgery for an employee, former head of the IMF Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who despite being in charge of all that international money, decided to rape a poor unsuspecting maid, instead of calling a hooker like a normal rich pervert would, and OJ Simpson, who played for the Buffalo Bills.

They have a fourth spot all dug out and waiting for Mr. Fick. So if he would like to condemn himself to a life of being stuck in the middle of the Pacific, smelling like a Bouse House on the third day of a hippie music festival, in August, then by all means, keep using those government issued food stamps. While he’s at it, he should club some baby seals, skin a handful of tiger cubs, burn down a few homeless shelters, and piss in the water supply of some impoverished African villages.

Like my dad always said, anything worth doing, is worth doing right.


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