Weekend Recap: The Brief Edition

Donation day at the Bronx Zoo, where you can pay anything, including nothing, ends up costing more due to the therapy you need after your nerves are frayed for six solid hours.

I would gladly pay more money, and know that everyone else in the zoo that day paid more money, to enjoy the animals. When it is free, people don’t enjoy the animals.  They enjoy yelling at their kids, dragging their kids by the arm and/or shirt collar, and generally creating an atmosphere that makes it hard to enjoy anything other than the fact that you don’t have kids.

In the same vein, I’m announcing my plan to unveil a movie theater that costs nothing to get in, but requires you pay a $300 membership fee each year.  That way, when I decide to take it easy on a Saturday night and see a crappy horror movie (and yes Dont Be Afraid of The Dark was real, real bad), I won’t have to be bothered by seven assholes who sit right behind me in an empty theater, then insist on talking and checking their phones throughout the movie,  kicking my seat without remorse, or apology, and genuinely reminding me why some people shouldn’t be allowed to procreate, or leave the house.

Do you have any idea how angry it made me that I couldn’t even silently mock Katie Holmes acting because I was too distracted by thoughts of strangling the miscreants behind me?

I think you do.


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