This Is What A Man’s Grocery List Looks Like

Three things.  Three simple things.  If this was the only trace of my existence left behind, anthropologists would marvel at the simple yet revealing genius of these three things.

1. Arugula

   Sure, I could have wrote “lettuce” but that’s uncultured.  Arugula, means “he’s out of his sophomore year, alright.”  This is a veteran move.  Healthy choice, but also says to the ladies, “This guy has his shit together” (however untrue that may be).  Arugula?  You’re damn right.

2. Chicken

   Well, not as pretentious as writing “steak.”  Says, “hey, I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not.”  Even if I’m getting steak I’ll leave it off the grocery list for the same reason I don’t wear Ed Hardy T-shirts or have a blow0ut: I’m not that guy.

3. Beer

   Self-explanatory.  It’s delicious and refreshing.  Notice there is no specifics here, just “beer.”  Only an elitist would write “Heineken” or “Corona”  but not this guy.  Busch, Keystone, heck maybe even treat myself with some Genny Lite.

Best part about all this? Not my grocery list (you think I can afford food? On a blogger’s salary…).    Nope, this little gem belongs to the girlfriend’s Dad.   Who, should he ever find out about this blog, will probably forbid his daughter from dating me.  But I think we’d all agree that this blog works better in the first person.