On any given night, you can always find someone at my bar drinking whiskey or sipping wine pondering the finer points of relationships and dating. Sometimes, I make myself invisible dutifully refilling their drinks with a nod and a smile as I stifle the desire to reach over and smack them silly, screaming, “Get a freakin’ clue and dump the asshole!”
Other times, I get the “Let’s ask the bartender what she thinks.” It is here where I have to act fast and size up the advice-seeker and decide if they really want to know what I think. And believe me, I’m not one of those people who talks because she likes the sound of her voice. When you ask me something, I’m going to answer. Too many years of bartending however, has taught me that sometimes, people don’t really want advice – they just want a shoulder.
And at my bar, you don’t get a shoulder without some lip.
So, in honor of all the times I’ve been told, “You should start a dating column,” I’ve decided to share my secret.
I have one. It’s called Wednesday nights.
Bill, a good-looking dude in his late twenties spent several hours at my bar last week wondering why the girl he’s been crushin’ on for the last two years – now single – is not interested.
“I was there for her,” he whined into his Jack and Coke. “How could she not want to be with me?”
I’m sorry, but you can’t be someone’s emotional tampon (thank you Dan Savage) on Wednesday and expect to be her lover by Friday. Women know the difference and you should too. The guy who says, “When you feel like calling him, text me instead” is never going to be anything more than a strong shoulder on which to cry. Unless you’re in a bad Lifetime movie, don’t try to get into a woman’s heart by putting it back together.
If you’re really interested in her, wave your hand in dismissal when she talks about said ex and say, “He’s an idiot. Hurry up and get over him so I can show you the proper way to treat a lady.” And then…..back off – way off. I promise you at the very least, she’s going to be thinking about that statement.
Becky, one of my regulars – a strong-minded, successful and fabulous woman likes to get my opinion about the men she meets. She met the latest guy at my bar, in fact. He was handsome and equally successful. Things started out strong and even I was optimistic about the match.
Six weeks in, there was a lot of “we” talk and dangling carrots of meeting his mother until one Sunday afternoon, he was a no-show for brunch. His lame excuse of “Something came up” grew into a more refined, “It’s not you. I’ve just got a lot on my plate.” While it’s true that sometimes love is just a matter of timing, this guy with all that proverbial food on his plate, had plenty of time to come to my bar three nights a week to be with his buddies.
The truth is that “busy” is usually code for “not interested.” If someone is truly interested in you, they will make the time to see you.
Any questions?
Email me @ yogemeli@gmail.com
—-Liz Weber
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