Here are 10 reasons I will miss Shaquille O’Neal.
1) He reminds me of a better time. A time when you could dis another man through a rap song, with lyrics like “Tell me how my ass taste”, without a horde of thuglets in the background screaming “No Homo!!”
2) In an era where men like Latrell Sprewell and Stephon Marbury complained that millions of dollars wasn’t enough, no one had more fun doing their job than Shaq.
3) Now that he is retired, the Celtics can look for a tough, defensive minded center to protect the rim….oh wait…..nevermind.
4) Shaq provided the blueprint for how an NBA career should pan out; Rise to prominence on a bad team, elevating them to a power house, ditching them for a bigger market, winning titles as an alpha dog, bouncing when someone else wants to wear the leash, rubbing that someone’s nose in it by joining a different alpha dog to win another title, playing out the remainder of your career in a limited role on contenders, and then retiring when it was brutally obvious you didn’t have the physical ability to compete in anything but a pie eating contest.
Lebron got derailed somewhere around step 2.
5) Since he is retired from the NBA, Shaq will have more time to work on Shazzaam 2: The Revenge of the Fatter, and that’s not good for anyone.
6) There has never been anyone as big, as funny, and as honest as Shaq. I doubt you’d ever hear Tim Duncan talking about the Sacramento Queens.
7) Whether you liked him or hated him, you couldn’t take your eyes off him on the basketball court. Even in the last few years when his talent had dwindled, he was literally too big to take your eyes off.
8 – In an NBA that has become increasingly filled with yes men, Shaq was one of the only guys in the league who had the balls to call out people like Kobe Bryant.
9) Shaq’s guest spots as a commentator on TNT with Charles Barkley are going to break the HD feeds in millions of households nationwide.
10) There is a 99.9% chance that we are going to be subjected to a Shaq Reality TV show. On second thought that might not be so bad afterall…
—–Corey
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