Cincy Loses…YOU WIN! (and we nickname Brian Kelly)

Ahhh, back to the good ol’ days. Blogging after a win. Where do I start?

Sorry to get this out to you so late, trying to recover from my “Upper-Extremity” injury has left me a little weary and without free time to blog. (Alright, you called my bluff…a touch of laziness, too.)

But on to the game; let’s break it down:

I’m wondering where all the haters of our offensive game plan are now? Especially Frank, who I now wish was called Fred, to fit certain pop culture references. (Fred? If you’re real, Fred, you better tell me right now…) We dismantled Cincinnati’s defense (even with their future-NFL-filled defensive line). They didn’t have an answer (“No means no!”) for our ground game, which opened up our passing game, which again they couldn’t stop (“I said no, dammit!”)

150 yards by Downtown Donny Brown (DDB). DDB is only one man; DDB has one dream. DDB may be in the running (Get it…running?) for the most humble running back of all time (sorry Travis Henry, you lose). It is only this blogger who implies that DDB might ever consider talking in the third person. DDB does not read this blog.

Cody Endres didn’t turn the ball over once, even during an air assault so comprehensive I may use the phrase “carpet bombing.” (Duck and cover, Cincinnati secondary! — that actually might have been more effective.)

I’ve received a few emails asking why we didn’t go for it on the goal line on 4th down. I can see both sides of this argument– you get it, you go up by seven and kick off. If we didn’t get it, we still had them pinned deep. It’s the opinion of this blogger (first verb, now noun… I know, I’m getting myself in too deep) that we needed to kick that field goal, take the delay of game (time off the clock), improve the angle, and make it a two-possession game. But again, these calls aren’t mine to make.

Our offense showed poise, even after getting skunked on the opening drive. That is the mark of a well-oiled, well-led team. Our offensive players are certainly not “front runners” and they do everything with “Juice.” Whats “Juice,” you say? Ask Coach Jon Wholley (he’s single, ladieeeeees).


Well, I was wrong about their offensive line. I regarded Trevor Canfield as the heart of the O-line. Two reasons for this: First, on film he really seems to be the guy that is finishing plays and a term that most NFL scouts use is that he’s always “showing up on the film.” Secondly, after playing against him last year I personally thought he was one tough S.O.B. (in a good way). Kid must have got himself a girlfriend or a hobby (coin collecting, perhaps?) but he seems to have lost his mean-streak. It’s always easier to make a mean man nice than a nice guy mean (you’re just a big Teddy-Bear, aren’t you?). Did I just refer to another grown man as a Teddy-Bear? Yes.

Our defensive ends (cough, Cody Brown, cough) had career days. I think that’s a testament to coaching and game preparation (no more spinning, Julius). Not to mention Robert “Reggie” McClain with his two picks (one for six), and Jasper Howard with a pick as well (c’mon D-Butt, catch up!).

Solid play by our linebackers (Scott Lutrus handing out De-Cleaters like they are going out of style) and Lawrence Wilson upending quarterbacks (ouch!). That’s some physical play and it is a reflection of how our defense plays as a whole. Speaking of reflections…

Cincinnati head coach Brian Kelly needs a nickname, something with street cred that will carry him through the blog-bashing I’m about to deliver. How about BK? Yeah, BK! (“Where you at BK?”) So, BK says that a team is a reflection of their coach. He then proceeded to stroke his ego like a Swedish Masseuse (“ohhh Inga, easy on the lats”), saying they’re hardworking and talented because he is. Joke’s on you, BK. Because if that’s true, then we’re a reflection of our head coach, and I don’t have enough hair to pull off that cut. (Sorry, Coach.)

UConn’s defense was so stout, Cincinnati did not convert one third down. Not one. (Oh, and neither of those 4th down attempts, either). Bad BK, bad!

I almost forgot…
Dave Teggart. Phenomenal. I regret exposing your man-crush on me on the Huskies All-Access show (no I don’t). Congrats on drilling 4 FG’s, not to mention a 48 yarder into the wind. But don’t think I am gonna let you get off that easy. It’s time I exposed to everyone that you actually look like Joe Lo Truglio. Take a look:
(So, you guys on MySpace?)

Blocked punt in the first quarter: Bad. The way the defense stepped up and held Cincy to only three? Amazing.


Porkfully is actually becoming a word. How porkful.

Kevin Youkilis was at the game. (YOUUUUUUUUKKKK!!) They put him on the big screen and he promptly threw up the “U-C.”

Dear Kevin,
You looked like a ridiculous goatee-ed member of the Village People acting in such a way. I wanna love you, Kevin, I do. I’m willing to believe that your “U-C” was meant for UConn and not your sub-par alma mater. All is forgiven if you win a World Series title in 2009 (and tell me you love me).
Scorned in Storrs

Maybe I should take back the slogan for Cincy (“Hey, at least we’re not Rutgers!”). At this point, you might be wishing you were like our blowout-friendly fans on the shore. (God help me.)

Pat White and the gang are coming to the ‘Rent this weekend. Should be a lovely reunion. I don’t need to sell you on how important or good this game will be. Tune in.

Readers Comments (3)

  1. Really? You play the game of football and have such little respect for your opponents AND the game itself that you resort to a blog to sound off on an opponent…AND wait until the week after you play them to do it?


    If you were just kidding but were funny while doing so, you might get a pass. But you’re definitely not funny and don’t appear to have a future in writing.

    Grow some balls and have some respect. It’s easy to bash an opponent after you took it to them. Act like you’ve been there. Don’t fall into the typical, “I’m a big, idiotic football player and I’m going to act like one.”

    Your idiotic blog has now made the rounds in the Cincy media, which is how I personally found it.

    Grow up, grow some balls and quit acting like you have a pea for a brain. And feel free to email me back at

  2. This infantile rambling says way more about the author than about those he is trying to discredit. It is almost inconceivable that some nondescript clown on a mediocre team would publicly embarrass himself in this way, but then morons are being born every minute of every day. What did you blog last year when UConn was riding high from a soft schedule and then went absolutely belly-up against UC and West Virginia? What will you say to Trevor Canfield in the future when he’s in the NFL and you’re on your couch watching him? Thank you for letting us know far more about you than we ever could from watching a UConn football game. It’s a fine institution, but sadly they are less than they could be, thanks to having the likes of you on campus. Truly truly pathetic. I honestly feel sorry for you.


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